Poetry: Forsaken Reunion.

In the dark of night

lonely creatures stir

rising from forsaken graves

abandoned after death

to awaken with a sense of longing

their hungry beings seek to reunite

skeletal hands find

those of their decomposing lover

caressing once plump faces

now gaunt

lips still part

for only each other

that end in a kiss

unlocking memories that haunt

craving the cold

of undeath

to become

one in warm embrace

they retrace

each other’s scars

and bite marks

upon decaying flesh

a reunion of souls

now awakens

still hearts

a crimson beat restarts

flowing through the vein

and they feel once again

remembering a life

long lived

before they became absent

of all pain

no matter what strife

did befall them

their connection stayed

forever constant

their affections proved to be true

for what love

could remain

so immortal

that even the reaper

and his scythe

could not separate or undo


This piece was a collaboration between myself and the incredibly talented R. Petrus.
To find more of her work, visit:

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A Journey For Mind: A Challenge Complete.

On the 17th of June I began an optimistic journey. I’d set myself a challenge to walk one and a half million steps in ninety days for a charity close to my heart – Mind. I’d been used to walking, often setting upon long hikes to spend time in nature, but this was different. To do my once-a-week hike almost every day for ninety days was quite the challenge I had set myself… and after my first week of doing it, I was feeling it.

There’s a mental barrier we have to break through when setting upon any physical challenge. The body can only comfortably do what it’s used to, but pushing through this barrier is how we improve endurance and strength. It takes willpower to push through, and that I have in abundance. I remember likening this barrier to how I was feeling while recovering from PTSD. There was a barrier there that took me a while to break through.

“I can’t do this.”

“There’s no hope”  

“If I feel like I can’t do it, I should give up, right?”

Thoughts the majority of us have had while doing something challenging. The mind leans to the negative, often to protect us from the feeling of failure. Quit while you’re ahead – I believe the saying is. But what happens when you ignore these thoughts? What happens when you realise that you are capable? Greatness truly is on the other side of that barrier – it’s in the challenge and in those things that we’re afraid to do.

I broke through that barrier the same way that I did with PTSD – I focused and charged at it headfirst. I leant into the pain and pushed myself further. These things are easy to do when the cause is great enough. I had to recover from my mental illness, because it got to a point where there was no other option. I had to do it for those that loved me. As such, that’s how I carried on walking. The cause was greater than the strain on my body, which I would only endure and become stronger. The money I would raise would help those that once felt like me, and that was a cause greater than any.

I got off to a strong start with one of my favourite walks, Greenham Common. The bunker scene of Star Wars: The Force Awakens was actually filmed there, Millennium Falcon and everything!

Day two, I met a knight, just on his morning stroll in chainmail armour. Of course, I had to spark up a conversion and try on his gauntlet.

I spent much time at the local castle ruins and writing poetry while wandering the forests. 

I saw many a sunset on evening walks, releasing how serene and beautiful this world truly is.

And to finish my epic journey, I completed the challenge on the cliffs of Cornwall, while also visiting Tintagel castle, the birthplace of King Arthur.

My final result of the challenge-

Total steps walked: 1,501,172 / 1,500,000.

Total raised for Mind: £282 / my target of £200.

And that concludes my journey for Mind, and it certainly was a journey. I’m proud of myself for what I achieved. I know the money that I raised will go toward helping people that are struggling in the way I once did, and for that, I am grateful. Mind also helped me in a time that I was in need of guidance. If it wasn’t for them, I may have never got the help that I needed to recover. It’s in those moments that we’re at our lowest that we need someone to reach out to. It’s in those moments that sometimes it’s difficult to talk to those we know, and so we don’t receive the support we need – that’s why organisations like Mind are so important. They provide that first step to recovery and raise awareness to make these services more accessible.

For more information on Mind, check out their website: https://www.mind.org.uk

And you can see more about the challenge here: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/mychaoticmind

Book Review: The Missed Kiss by Nicola Lowe.

Honestly, this is not my usual genre to read, but I was pleasantly surprised by how this book gripped me. The Missed Kiss is a beautiful tale of love and friendship, full of twists and turns that will keep you reading until the end. The characters are superbly crafted, lovable and relatable.

I quickly found myself immersed in this world that Nicola created, with the pacing of the story and the character development being perfect.   

The Missed Kiss is a well written and fun read, that will leave you wanting more. If you’re after a rollercoaster of emotion, grab this book – it won’t disappoint.

(Side note – if you’re a guy thinking about giving this a read, you should certainly give it a try. As I said, romance isn’t my usual genre, but this was so well written that I couldn’t stop reading.)

Conclusion- You can feel the love and emotion that went into this book’s creation. It’s sweet, with a modern edge. Truly a brilliant and beautiful debut novel.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

Buy here!

Poetry: Beyond Words by Lee A. Vockins and R. Petrus.

They would look upon each other through a barrier of every conceivable reality. At the slightest touch, the veil was a collision of colour, shimmering with the very essence of infinity. It was an indestructible impossibility, but there it was – an obstacle between them and fate. As sure as the moon would grace the sky, the barrier would temporarily thin, like a window opening between existences that gave the two lonely souls a moment to connect. They were worlds too far apart to touch or speak, only able to see and communicate through a means of pen and paper.
It was in the same room, in a different reality, that they would spend an eternity falling through words and poetry.

Your words written and whispered
To the wind
Found my unsuspecting heart’s ears
And now I’m undone,
My defences thinned

Never seeing such beauty
Till that of your mind’s ink
Spilt over these pages,
Upon reading,
our souls did link

Knowing on a level so deep
It’s as if we’ve always been
And always were
Distance matters not
With you is where I begin

Time and space could never disguise
Your energy, my love
I’d sense it across the universe
Blocked by nary an obstacle
you may speak of

So leap from the daunting edge
of tomorrow with me
And float in the vast sea of eternity
Past the silvery moons
And vibrant stars where our spirits could be free

That’s what my soul
Calls out to yours
If only past this veil we’ll fly away
Hand in hand traveling in tranquillity
To far off galactic shores

Now ruined to any other’s embrace
Forevermore I’ll believe we are destiny
Hope will never leave
Till we are joined in joy so heavenly

These words are for you

as I fall through infinity

but you’re far from my touch

in this technicolour reality

Between the azure

of our divide

I promise, my love   

our destinies will collide

Unmake me

and shatter the barrier to shards

we will find a world that we could make ours

Beneath the skies of endless divinity

with you, my one

I will find eternity  

Rebuild me

and I’ll defy this twisted deity

for what cruel weaver of fate

would have you so far

Create from this chaos an alternate alkaline

because I’m beyond a means to define

the way I’m lost in your design

and how it flawlessly connects with mine

I feel like I could ebb and flow in this forever

finding in verse new ways to convey

we belong together

So I’ll stop time

and quantify

a means for our souls to intertwine

if only for a moment

to simply say

I love you.

Beyond Words

by

Lee A. Vockins

&

R. Petrus

Huge thank you to R. Petrus for working with me on this project.

You can find more of her work at:

R Petrus 📚 (@a_petrox_writes) • Instagram photos and videos

Walking for Mind – Update 1.

Walking for @mind –

Day 14 of 90.

I have managed to walk a total 250,954 steps in 14 days… Two weeks into the challenge, and I’m still going strong.
I’m so close to hitting my sponsor target already, which is incredible to me. Huge thank you to everyone that’s donated, thus far. All money goes directly to Mind, and is probably helping somebody right now.

Lee Vockins is fundraising for Mind (justgiving.com)

Why I’m supporting Mind – “We won’t give up until everyone experiencing a mental health problem gets support and respect,” is their mission statement. I don’t think there’s much more that needs to be said. The majority of us, throughout our lives, will experience a problem with mental health, whether it’s directly or through a loved one. It’s unfortunately part of being human, and that’s an important thing to remember.

There’s still a huge amount of stigma and ignorance surrounding the subject. This toxic positivity and “smile and carry on” attitude is harming generations. It’s stopping people get the help and support they need.

We need to raise as much awareness as possible, and let those people know that there’s hope. There’s help out there. They need to know that they won’t be judged or let down, because speaking from experience, that’s a very real fear. Mind could be that first step to someone’s recovery – that’s why I’m supporting them.

   

Total steps walked: 250,954 / 1,500,000

Money raised: £162 (+£20 to add) out of a goal of £200.  

Walking for Mind – Day 0

Walking 1.5m steps in 90 days for Mind

I decided to start my challenge early, because I was both very eager and wanted to get some extra steps in. Being me, I went big for my first walk, achieving 25.13km and the first 30049 steps of the challenge… only 1,469,951 to go. 😆

I’ll be doing an update on my progress every Thursday. Thank you so much Nicola Lowe Author for your very kind donation. 😊

All donations go directly to a cause that’s very close to my heart, so if you would consider sponsoring, I will be forever grateful.

www.justgiving.com/fundraising/mychaoticmind

And I found these flowers! So glad I took my camera with me.

#mind #charity #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness

Walking For Mind.

So I’m about to take on this challenge. Most of you over here know about my struggles with mental illness and my recovery. I actually started my blog because of it. It’s been a journey, but I’m here, and I’m well.

Mind were the catalyst of my recovery, so what I am about to set out to do, is a cause that’s close to my heart.

I hope you’ll follow me on this journey and my progress, whether you can sponsor or not. I’ll appreciate any support and encouragement.

If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate contact me. 😊

Lee Vockins is fundraising for Mind (justgiving.com)


Thank you.

Poetry: Not Broken.

The war

in my mind

is just a reminder of why I fight

My enemies barely

brought me to my knees

Although bleeding

I was never broken

They couldn’t break me

They only shattered the fragile

shell of this

towering titan

On the cold ground I was reborn

a man

torn

from his lonely reality

Although bleeding

I was only awoken.

It’s been three years now since I finished therapy for PTSD. I always remember because it’s close to my birthday. I’m always easily overwhelmed with emotion around this time of year, and tend to retreat within my writing. And thus, this piece of poetry was born.

But I think I was meant to go through everything I did, just so I could be the person I am now. I was broken, only so I could rebuild myself. It wasn’t easy… it’s never easy… but I’m here, and I will always fight.

I’m here to guide others that are struggling. I want to show people that there is hope. No matter how dark the world seems right now, in this moment, there is always hope.

#warrior #PTSD #NotBroken