A Journey For Mind: A Challenge Complete.

On the 17th of June I began an optimistic journey. I’d set myself a challenge to walk one and a half million steps in ninety days for a charity close to my heart – Mind. I’d been used to walking, often setting upon long hikes to spend time in nature, but this was different. To do my once-a-week hike almost every day for ninety days was quite the challenge I had set myself… and after my first week of doing it, I was feeling it.

There’s a mental barrier we have to break through when setting upon any physical challenge. The body can only comfortably do what it’s used to, but pushing through this barrier is how we improve endurance and strength. It takes willpower to push through, and that I have in abundance. I remember likening this barrier to how I was feeling while recovering from PTSD. There was a barrier there that took me a while to break through.

“I can’t do this.”

“There’s no hope”  

“If I feel like I can’t do it, I should give up, right?”

Thoughts the majority of us have had while doing something challenging. The mind leans to the negative, often to protect us from the feeling of failure. Quit while you’re ahead – I believe the saying is. But what happens when you ignore these thoughts? What happens when you realise that you are capable? Greatness truly is on the other side of that barrier – it’s in the challenge and in those things that we’re afraid to do.

I broke through that barrier the same way that I did with PTSD – I focused and charged at it headfirst. I leant into the pain and pushed myself further. These things are easy to do when the cause is great enough. I had to recover from my mental illness, because it got to a point where there was no other option. I had to do it for those that loved me. As such, that’s how I carried on walking. The cause was greater than the strain on my body, which I would only endure and become stronger. The money I would raise would help those that once felt like me, and that was a cause greater than any.

I got off to a strong start with one of my favourite walks, Greenham Common. The bunker scene of Star Wars: The Force Awakens was actually filmed there, Millennium Falcon and everything!

Day two, I met a knight, just on his morning stroll in chainmail armour. Of course, I had to spark up a conversion and try on his gauntlet.

I spent much time at the local castle ruins and writing poetry while wandering the forests. 

I saw many a sunset on evening walks, releasing how serene and beautiful this world truly is.

And to finish my epic journey, I completed the challenge on the cliffs of Cornwall, while also visiting Tintagel castle, the birthplace of King Arthur.

My final result of the challenge-

Total steps walked: 1,501,172 / 1,500,000.

Total raised for Mind: £282 / my target of £200.

And that concludes my journey for Mind, and it certainly was a journey. I’m proud of myself for what I achieved. I know the money that I raised will go toward helping people that are struggling in the way I once did, and for that, I am grateful. Mind also helped me in a time that I was in need of guidance. If it wasn’t for them, I may have never got the help that I needed to recover. It’s in those moments that we’re at our lowest that we need someone to reach out to. It’s in those moments that sometimes it’s difficult to talk to those we know, and so we don’t receive the support we need – that’s why organisations like Mind are so important. They provide that first step to recovery and raise awareness to make these services more accessible.

For more information on Mind, check out their website: https://www.mind.org.uk

And you can see more about the challenge here: https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/mychaoticmind

Walking for Mind – Update 1.

Walking for @mind –

Day 14 of 90.

I have managed to walk a total 250,954 steps in 14 days… Two weeks into the challenge, and I’m still going strong.
I’m so close to hitting my sponsor target already, which is incredible to me. Huge thank you to everyone that’s donated, thus far. All money goes directly to Mind, and is probably helping somebody right now.

Lee Vockins is fundraising for Mind (justgiving.com)

Why I’m supporting Mind – “We won’t give up until everyone experiencing a mental health problem gets support and respect,” is their mission statement. I don’t think there’s much more that needs to be said. The majority of us, throughout our lives, will experience a problem with mental health, whether it’s directly or through a loved one. It’s unfortunately part of being human, and that’s an important thing to remember.

There’s still a huge amount of stigma and ignorance surrounding the subject. This toxic positivity and “smile and carry on” attitude is harming generations. It’s stopping people get the help and support they need.

We need to raise as much awareness as possible, and let those people know that there’s hope. There’s help out there. They need to know that they won’t be judged or let down, because speaking from experience, that’s a very real fear. Mind could be that first step to someone’s recovery – that’s why I’m supporting them.

   

Total steps walked: 250,954 / 1,500,000

Money raised: £162 (+£20 to add) out of a goal of £200.  

Walking for Mind – Day 0

Walking 1.5m steps in 90 days for Mind

I decided to start my challenge early, because I was both very eager and wanted to get some extra steps in. Being me, I went big for my first walk, achieving 25.13km and the first 30049 steps of the challenge… only 1,469,951 to go. 😆

I’ll be doing an update on my progress every Thursday. Thank you so much Nicola Lowe Author for your very kind donation. 😊

All donations go directly to a cause that’s very close to my heart, so if you would consider sponsoring, I will be forever grateful.

www.justgiving.com/fundraising/mychaoticmind

And I found these flowers! So glad I took my camera with me.

#mind #charity #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness

Walking For Mind.

So I’m about to take on this challenge. Most of you over here know about my struggles with mental illness and my recovery. I actually started my blog because of it. It’s been a journey, but I’m here, and I’m well.

Mind were the catalyst of my recovery, so what I am about to set out to do, is a cause that’s close to my heart.

I hope you’ll follow me on this journey and my progress, whether you can sponsor or not. I’ll appreciate any support and encouragement.

If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate contact me. 😊

Lee Vockins is fundraising for Mind (justgiving.com)


Thank you.

Poetry: Not Broken.

The war

in my mind

is just a reminder of why I fight

My enemies barely

brought me to my knees

Although bleeding

I was never broken

They couldn’t break me

They only shattered the fragile

shell of this

towering titan

On the cold ground I was reborn

a man

torn

from his lonely reality

Although bleeding

I was only awoken.

It’s been three years now since I finished therapy for PTSD. I always remember because it’s close to my birthday. I’m always easily overwhelmed with emotion around this time of year, and tend to retreat within my writing. And thus, this piece of poetry was born.

But I think I was meant to go through everything I did, just so I could be the person I am now. I was broken, only so I could rebuild myself. It wasn’t easy… it’s never easy… but I’m here, and I will always fight.

I’m here to guide others that are struggling. I want to show people that there is hope. No matter how dark the world seems right now, in this moment, there is always hope.

#warrior #PTSD #NotBroken

Facing A Fear: A Hello From Me.

So, I faced a huge fear of mine yesterday. I put my face and voice on camera, to say hello to my Twitter following. I was nervous. I was awkward. But, I pushed myself, because pushing myself out of those comfort zones is what it’s going to take to achieve my dreams. I will practice. I will get better. I will face every fear until I am where I want to be.

Here it is. It’s me. Unedited and awkward. Saying hello to you all.

I’ll run and hide now.

What I learned from this; I always expect the worse from people, when really, I am part of a very supportive community. I had such lovely comments on this video, over on Twitter. I have always been incredibly self conscious of my voice and afraid of people not being able to understand what I’m saying. Yet, most of the comments were compliments on my voice. It just goes to show that our self interpretation isn’t always that accurate.

Also, I am very capable of stepping out of that comfort zone. I felt incredible for doing so. I will be doing more of this in the future, because I oddly enjoyed the process.

I felt that this was important to blog about, because it is truly in the fear that we grow. Lean in to that anxiety. Face that fall. Your dreams are there, waiting for you to grasp them.

5 Things that You May Not Know About Me.

I’ve been here for a while now. There’s a fair few of you following my ramblings, so for that, I want to say a big thank you. When I began my journey here, I wasn’t sure how long it would last, but then I guess I didn’t have much confidence in my ability. You have all given me the confidence I need to write and ramble here.

That brings me to the point of today’s post. I like to be open here, and for you all to know who I am. I like to think that perhaps you’ll find something useful, or something to gain inspiration or motivation from. So, here are 5 things that you may not know about me:

  • Probably one of the main reasons that I started this blog was for a distraction. I used to struggle with my mind to a point of being unable to cope. This was mostly due to ten years of PTSD. I blogged my recovery progress, although compared to my writing ability today, it’s not very well written. This became a place for me to vent and grow comfortable with sharing my struggles. I have to say, it absolutely worked. I am free of all those things that stopped me from being me.
  • Adding to my struggles with mental health, I have OCD. It’s easy to manage these days, but one thing you may have noticed in my fiction is a theme of “four”. Four is the number of times that I compulsively check something. Locking doors and checking doorhandles is the worst. My mind doesn’t seem to believe something is done, until it’s checked four times. This can obviously make writing a long process… and somehow, those spelling mistakes still creep through.
  • I’m vegan. This is a fairly new journey for me, but I thought I’d add it here, for people that purely follow my blog. I became vegan around six months ago, mainly because of personal beliefs, but am also amazed at how different I am feeling physically and mentally. I also love cooking, so that added challenge of making my favourite meals vegan has been an enjoyable process. I’ve also developed a better eating routine and a meal plan that free’s up a load of my time. It’s really been a huge and positive change for me. My weight stays optimal. I have loads of energy. I can think clearly. I’m calmer, and as a result, I can handle anxiety more easily. Good nutrition is a powerful thing.  
  • Whilst growing up, I had always wanted to be a guitarist in a band (I had long black hair and everything). I got my first guitar when I was sixteen, and have played on and off ever since. I can play to a decent level. My idol was Matt Heafy from Trivium, and the first song I learned to play was Like Light to the Flies. I also wrote songs and lyrics. This is probably where my creativity started, and it was another distraction for my mental health issues. Playing guitar, especially an electric, is a great release for anger and frustration, and teaches focus. I even got a letter published in Total Guitar magazine, during my teens. That was certainly a highlight of my angsty youth.
  •  I had learning difficulties when I was young. I was very slow to read and developed my writing ability later in life than most. I had never been diagnosed with dyslexia, but I needed a lot of extra help. Even at thirteen, I was yet to read a book. I remember it being frustrating times, and of course, I was singled out because of it. Believe it or not, but breaking out of the struggle all came down to teaching myself. The first book I read was Troy by Adele Geras, then I went on to read The Lord of the Rings trilogy by J.R.R Tolkein. I skipped school to read these, and went to the library instead… I was also quite a rebellious and stubborn teen, but it worked out for me… and trust me, I haven’t changed much.

Hope you found this post somewhat interesting. It’s still crazy to me that people follow my work and read my craziness. I love and appreciate you all.

(Also, if you haven’t had a look at my other project site yet, it’s right here: http://www.redefined-media.com.)